Solidarity with other Survivors

It's going to take me a while to find, let alone annotate or edit, all the content I have online that quotes or mentions Sherman Alexie. If you don't know... Several days ago the mainstream press published that five women have come forward about Alexie sexually harassing and threatening them. Now the number is closer to twenty. But, as is always the case, women in the community have known for far longer. And it has been exponentially unsafe for these Indigenous women to come forward. I've mostly been tweeting about it. And check the twitter stream. It's really just the tip of iceberg.

I stand with these women because while I'm not one of Alexie's victims, I am also a survivor of some similar threats, which in my case followed in the wake of horrific abuse. I cannot comment on the specific details of these women's cases against Alexie, or specifically what was done to silence them. But in my case, I know what it's like to live with constant death threats and surveillance, stalked and libeled by both the predator and the predator's enablers. Some of the enablers do it for status in the eyes of the predator, some of the more sleazy ones have done it for pay. This is the ultimate cruelty that piles on to the CPTSD - to survive torture, and then to be stalked like prey. As the more recent, mainstream, white wave of the #MeToo movement has built, there has been the predictable backlash from those who've never actually experienced assault or serious abuse, who have compounded this abuse of actual survivors by blaming us for not being more outspoken, or not speaking out earlier, even when we were living in fear of a dangerous predator. It's because of these accomplices that enable the abusers, that hound the victims and continue the torture, that so many of these predators are able to do so much damage for so long.

As I had meant to note in the previous post, the flu has hit hard here. Which is really serious for someone like me who is already immuno-compromised. I don't talk much about disability on here, as I'm from a generation that is more private about this stuff, and I don't want to be defined by my limitations. But sometimes I have to mention it for my life to make sense. Right now I don't have it in me to go through all the posts, but I will as soon as I'm feeling stronger. So I needed to make a note about this so, if any of his victims are reading this, you will know I have your backs - I believe you and stand with you - and that it is only my own struggles that are impeding my ability to thoroughly handle all of this right now.

Love, strength and protection to the survivors who are speaking truth to power. This one has been horrible to hear, but nowhere near as horrible as what those who have lived with this silence have had to endure. Thank you for speaking out.

ETA: Sunday 26 Feb 2018: Debbie Reese of American Indians in Children's Literature has now posted An Open Letter About Sherman Alexie. Deb was among the first to break and follow through on the story online, and has been tireless in not only supporting Native women in coming forward about this, but in promoting the many Indigenous women writers who are continually overlooked as men like Alexie have gotten all the contracts, sales and speaking engagements. She has included a timeline of this developing story, with links, and is continually updating the coverage, as well as continuing to promote alternative authors to those now removing Alexie's work from their curricula. It was Deb's tweets about her decision to remove or annotate the mentions of Alexie on her pages that inspired me to do the same last night. Thank you, Deb.

Tillie Black Bear - honour and gratitude

Tillie Black Bear, healer and warrior woman, advocate for survivors of rape and domestic violence, without whom many of us would not be alive, has crossed over. She made a profound difference in my life, and in the life of so many survivors. I've posted about her before, and many of the "stopping the violence" resources I list in the sidebar would not exist without her. What I haven't spoken about as much publicly is the direct, personal impact she had on my life. She is one of the women who saved my life. Without her work, I would probably not be here.

Her compassion, her courageous stand for women and tradition in the face of patriarchal violence, her refusal to let anyone forget that violence against women is not traditional in tribal communities, and is never, ever acceptable, changed the lives of all she touched. And she touched so many.

Love and gratitude to you, Tillie. Peace and comfort to your loved ones. Know that you touched, healed, and saved so many lives. May others pick up the many burdens you shouldered and continue on in your name. Safe and sacred passage to you. I love you, will miss you, and honour you as an ancestor, because without you I would not be. Slàinte Mhath.

Photo of Tillie Black Bear, Sicangu Lakota, 

courtesy Native Women's Society of the Great Plains

How Abused Children Wind Up in Jail

The transition from abusive father to pimp to jail is very common with our young people who wind up prostituted, or doing other illegal things to survive. This has touched my life personally, as it has happened to multiple girls, boys and young women I've known. Children don't run away for no reason.

That abuse in the home sets these children up for further victimization. It's the pimps and battering/raping fathers that belong in jail, not the kids who are struggling to survive.

ASHLAND, Ore. — She ran away from her group home in Medford, Ore., and spent weeks sleeping in parks and under bridges. Finally, Nicole Clark, 14 years old, grew so desperate that she accepted a young man’s offer of a place to stay. The price would come later.

They had sex, and he soon became her boyfriend. Then one day he threatened to kick her out if she did not have sex with several of his friends in exchange for money.

She agreed, fearing she had no choice. “Where was I going to go?” said Nicole, now 17 and living here, just down the Interstate from Medford. That first exchange of money for sex led to a downward spiral of prostitution that lasted for 14 months, until she escaped last year from a pimp who she said often locked her in his garage apartment for months.

Read full article: For Runaways, Sex Buys Survival by Ian Urbina

Thanks to Quileute Tribe New Beginnings

Women Warriors, Protection, Healing and Justice

Tanya Lee writes in Indian Country Today:

Women warriors take on domestic violence and sexual assault

From North Dakota to Arizona, strong, talented, accomplished Native American women are taking up the challenge of protecting themselves and their sisters, their mothers and aunts, their grandmothers and granddaughters, from the devastation of domestic violence and sexual assault.
... ... ...
“Crimes against Indian women and children strike at the very heart of tribal sovereignty,” reads the 2007 Senate Indian Affairs Committee concept paper on law and order that identified domestic violence and sexual assault as one of the five critical areas in which law enforcement in Indian country was failing.

Following the release of the paper in November 2007, the Tribal Law and Order Act of 2008 was introduced in the Senate and the House July 23, 2008. The last action on the bill was Sept. 18, 2008, when the Senate Committee on Indian Affairs held hearings. The bill didn’t pass and was reintroduced in the 111th Congress April 2. The Senate held a hearing on the proposed legislation June 25. Sen. Byron Dorgan, D-N.D., has scheduled another hearing for mid-September, and the Department of Justice Office on Violence Against Women is considering a Tribal Consultation Oct. 30 in Minneapolis.
... ... ...
But in North Dakota, Linda Thompson and her colleagues at the First Nations Women’s Alliance and its member organizations are organizing themselves to be more effective in supporting – and healing – the victims of domestic violence and sexual assault on the four North Dakota Indian reservations.

“It’s often thought that young black men are the most victimized in the U.S., but it is actually Native women,” said Thompson, paraphrasing a statement in the Justice Department report, “American Indians and Crime.”

Read the Full Article

In related news, Cangleska is experiencing some financial hardships, and has had to lay off some staff. If you can volunteer or donate time or resources, please consider them.

Embedded within each of the components of Cangleska, Inc. is the concept of sovereign women within a sovereign nation whose safety was paramount. With the Lakota principle of “we are all related” incorporated in all of the work, Cangleska, Inc. offers a comprehensive and collaborative approach on the local, state and national level.

The number of women and their children seeking shelter and other related services continues to increase. Women are now aware that there is safe space on the Pine Ridge Reservation and are using the services provided to them.

In addition to services for women and children, Cangleska also has family programs and services for men such as Ki Wicasa Wo Ohitika and a Men's Re-education Program.

Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers

As some of you know, I've been involved for decades now in trying to do something about predators in our communities. And as some of you also know, one of the reasons I do it is that I, and some of those I love, have been harmed by these con men (the vicious predators I've dealt with have all been men). The reason they were able to fool some of us long enough to hurt us is because they are skilled at it; it's what they do. Hopefully this information will help those who may have been victimized. Even better, maybe it will help someone spot a predator before they have a chance to harm them.

I think this is the first time I've reposted an entire article by someone else on this blog. It's worth it.

My gratitude to RedRightHand over at NAFPS for permission to repost this in full.

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Identifying the Predator: Spiritual, Financial, and Sexual Abusers

There are common traits, common behaviors in human predators of all kinds. Spiritual scammers often operate the same way and use the same methods as other types of criminal con artists, batterers, and rapists. These different kinds of abuse often blend into each other.

A liar doesn’t just tell falsehoods/lies to strangers or only in certain situations. A liar routinely lies to everyone. In the same way, a spiritual fraud is not just a spiritual liar. He or she will always lie about other things as well.

Understanding these patterns of deceit among abusers and rapists gives us direct insight into the patterns of spiritual frauds. The following points are offered specifically about the patterns of physical abusers but the parallels to spiritual exploiters should be clear. The aim of this post is to help people in spotting frauds before they can do harm, and to help those who have been harmed find help.

1. Abusers are charming and tend to be very skilled at social manipulation.

2. They are skilled liars. They will also declare they are very honest and honorable but their actual actions will show otherwise.

3. They are in control of their actions, not out-of-control. They do not harm everyone they meet. They are very careful to abuse people they feel confident they can get away with harming, such as wives/girlfriends, children, “apprentices,” or those they are “instructing” ceremonially. Substance abuse may increase their aggression but you should never accept being high/drunk as an excuse for their actions. They are far more in control of their actions than they let on and they also harm their victims when sober.

4. They blame others for their behavior. “The abuser shifts responsibility for his actions away from himself and onto others, a shift that allows him to justify his abuse because the other person supposedly "caused" his behavior.” The fact is, abusing another person is a choice. It is the fault of no one but the abuser.

5. While “friends” and acquaintances will be subjected to manipulation, lies and sometimes emotional abuse, usually only the abuser’s intimate partners and immediate family will see the monstrous side of them. Abusers are very invested in their public image, and will use acquaintances to lie for them and/or pass on their lies in their defense. They will spend a great deal of time lying to non-intimate “friends” to lay a false trail of misdirection and alibis. On the internet and in long-distance phone calls, it is particularly easy for abusers to construct a good front for their online friends who may never meet them in person.

6. Abusers specialize in finding out your vulnerabilities. In the beginning they will tell you how special you are. They will encourage you to confess your fears and vulnerabilities, and they will make a good show of being vulnerable themselves (even though it is just an act and built on lies). They do this to make you emotionally dependent on them, and so later they can use these things to harm and manipulate you.

7. They will seem too good to be true. And they are.

*** *** ***
There is a common misconception that predators and abusers are easy to spot, that they display obvious signs of their predatory nature. While there are warning signs to look out for (linked below), predators have carefully tailored their disguises through their years of abusing others and getting away with it.

If predators weren’t skilled at convincing potential victims and supporters that they’re a nice guy (and those who commit physical abuse are overwhelmingly male), they wouldn’t be successful at what they do. They’ve learned how to fool and manipulate people. It’s their profession. If they weren’t good at fooling people, they would have moved on to some other way of making a living by now. By the time an abuser is middle-aged or elderly, they are very experienced at it; they are not going to change.

Abusive behavior usually starts after the victim has made an emotional, spiritual, and/or financial commitment to the predator. Abuse usually starts right after some milestone: moving in together, getting married, pregnancy, or the birth of the first child. With spiritual predators, it’s often once the victim has made a ceremonial commitment and/or given the predator a large amount of money. Once that investment on the part of the victim is there, the predator knows the victim will be hesitant to throw away all that time and effort they’ve invested in the relationship. By that point the abuser has probably also isolated the victim from other sources of support and information, and has made sure the victim sees them as the unquestionable source of the truth.

The vast majority of rapists don’t hang out in alleys to commit “stranger” rape. “Over 70% of sexual assaults are committed by someone the survivor knows. Over 40% of sexual assaults occur in the victim's home and another 30% take place in the home of a friend, neighbor or relative.”

If you’ve been abused, there is help available. Once you know the patterns to look for, abusers are much easier to spot. Remember, if someone has harmed you, you can bet there are other victims out there. If everyone who has been abused speaks up, the world will change. Those who work the hotlines, who counsel victims of domestic violence and other forms of sexual and spiritual abuse, have heard it all before. They will recognize your story. They won't be shocked and you don't have to be ashamed. The patterns are all too common.

Web Resources

* No Nonsense Self-Defense is an excellent site with many informative articles. Among them:
** Profile of a Rapist
** Stalking/Domestic Violence

* Domestic Violence: In the Mind of the Abuser

* Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality

* Myths and Facts about Sexual Assault

“Myth: Women frequently "cry rape". Fact: The FBI reports that false accusations account for only 2% of all reported sexual assaults. This is no higher than false reports for any other crime.” Rape and domestic violence are the most under-reported of crimes.

* Patterns of Emotional Abuse

* Be Alert To Common Traits of Stalkers

Books

* Why Does He DO That? - Inside the minds of angry and controlling men by Lundy Bancroft (This book identifies specific types of abusers and their M.O.s, though many abusers are of mixed types)

* The Anatomy of Motive
by John E. Douglas and Mark Olshaker (Understanding criminal psychology, the reasons predators abuse, the types of victims they target, and why)

* Trauma and Recovery
by Judith Hermann (Help recovering from PTSD, whether from combat in war or surviving domestic violence)

Phone and Internet Resources

* National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)

* RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673)

* Sacred Circle: National Resource Center to End Violence Against Native Women": 1-877-RED-ROAD (1-877-733-7623):
“Women Are Sacred! Violence Against Native Women Is Not Traditional!”

* Mending the Sacred Hoop, Technical Assistance Project

* Red Wind Consulting, Violence Against Native Women

* Domestic Violence and Native Americans

* Native Women's Society of the Great Plains: 1-605-455-2939 (not toll-free)

* South Dakota Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault: 1-800-572-9196

* White Buffalo Calf Woman Society


Permission to re-post granted by the author.

Justice and Honors for Lakota Women

Lakota Woman Wins Unprecedented Rape Case

From the Argus Leader:

A Native American woman from Wounded Knee won a historic ruling in federal court based on a century-old treaty between the U.S. government and the Oglala Sioux Tribe after she was sexually assaulted by a military recruiter.

The U.S. government must pay Lavetta Elk, formerly of Wounded Knee, almost $600,000 in damages after she was sexually assaulted by Army recruiter Staff Sgt. Joseph Kopf in his car January 2003, according to court documents. Judge Francis Allegra based the ruling on a "bad men" provision in the April 29, 1868, treaty between the government and the Oglala Sioux Tribe.

That provision of the Fort Laramie Treaty "provides that if 'bad men' among the whites commit 'any wrong' upon the person or property of any Sioux, the United States will reimburse the injured person for the loss sustained," court documents filed Tuesday indicated.

read the rest of the article...

Lakota Woman Wins National Award

From the Rapid City Journal

A member of the Rosebud Sioux Tribe and White Buffalo Calf Woman Society has won a national honor recognizing her work and dedication in addressing and preventing sexual violence.

Tillie Black Bear, executive director of White Buffalo Calf Woman Society, the oldest shelter on a Native American reservation, has been awarded The National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s 2009 Visionary Voice Award. Black Bear is considered a leading expert on violence against women and children.

She is a founding mother of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and a founder of the South Dakota Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault. She is the first woman of color to lead the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Black Bear has worked as a therapist, school counselor, administrator and a college instructor.

Thanks to Betsy Campisi at Zintkala Waste Win Oti for passing these along.

Tillie Black Bear speaks at Northern Michigan University, September, 2008:

Tribal domestic violence was once punished by death